


Sides Can't Die

by Nachosforfree



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit is trying, Intrusive Thoughts, Other, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, fuck man idk im bad at tags hhhhhh, he really really is, ro and virge arent like named in this but theyre there, well not an intentional one but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachosforfree/pseuds/Nachosforfree
Summary: Remus goes to far and is barely saved by Deceit and Logan. He doesn't want their help. Also the author cannot stop vaeir projection onto Remus.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	Sides Can't Die

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS FOR SELF HARM, NEAR SUICIDE, AND DENYING HELP WHEN IT'S NEEDED.  
> this is highkey a vent cause I feel like shit lmao (don't worry I'm not gonna hurt myself or anything, but thoughts yknow,)
> 
> also I still don't know how a03 works

Just one more cut. Just one more ounce of pain. Just enough to make him forget about the pain in his head, the screaming voices that became so loud they drowned everything else out and left Remus curled up on the ground with his hands blocking his ears, trying to block the noise out.

Just one more cut. That’s what he had told himself. Now everything was dizzy and fading in and out of focus. He tried to make it to his door so he could yell down the hall for Deceit, but he fell to the floor, too weak to make it. Too weak.

Yeah, he was weak, wasn’t he? Too many years spent locked away, too many insults thrown at him, too many thoughts in his head, too many cuts lining his arms, they all wore him down until he was nothing but a  _ weak, pathetic, disgusting, horrifying, freakish loser _ . 

Tears rolled down his face as he waved an arm up towards the door, hoping any bit of strength left in him could correctly summon the other side, “Dee…”

And then everything was dark.

_ “Come on guys!” The one in red yelled out, giggling as he raced ahead, dodging around trees. _

_ “You run too fast!” The one in grey and purple pouted, on the verge of tears out of the frustration of being left behind. _

_ Remus grabbed him by the hand and laughed, “Don’t worry, my knight, we’ll catch up to him in no time!” _

_ “Ahaha!” The red one laughed triumphantly, “Not if there’s a DRAGON in your way!” _

_ The one in black and yellow rushed out in front of him, wearing fake horns on his head and rauring weakly at the other two. _

_ The purple one squeaked and hid behind Remus, who meerly rolled his eyes. _

_ “What kind of a knight are you?? You can take down one stupid dragon, you’re way stronger than he is!” _

_ “You really think so?” The purple one asked, peeking up at Remus, who grinned. _

_ “I know so!” He shoved a foam sword into the purple one’s hands, “Go get him!” _

_ The purple one raised up the sword, mustering all the courage he could get, and raced towards the dragon, screaming at the top of his lungs. _

_ The dragon screamed back, tucking behind a tree stump as the purple one closed in on him. _

_ Remus took the opportunity to slip past them, pulling out his own fake sword and chasing after the red one. _

_ He found him staring down the rocky edge of a small cliff, and he raised up his sword into the air, “There’s nowhere to run now!” _

_ The red one turned around and grinned, “I don’t need to run anymore, I can fight you easily!” _

_ “Oh can you?” _

_ “Yeah!” He picked up a foam sword as well, before swinging it at Remus. _

_ Remus blocked it pretty easily, and then made his own attack. They swung back and forth at each other, dancing around the edge and laughing the whole way. _

_ “ROAR!” The two were startled as the dragon returned, this time piggy-backing the knight. _

_ “I’ve tamed your dragon, evil prince!” The purple knight said, pointing his foam sword at the red one, “Give up now! You’re outnumbered!” _

_ “I’ll never give up!” He backed away from the dragon and the knight, swinging his sword back and forth between them and Remus. _

_ “Yes you will!” _

_ “No I won’t! _

_ “Yes you will!” The dragon bounded forwards towards the red one, the knight raising his sword to swing. The red one jumped back, one foot landing on the ground, and the other landing on the air just above where the cliff fell. _

_ “Wait!” Remus cried out, trying to jump close enough to grab the red one before it was too late. _

_ But it was, and the red one toppled back with a shriek, falling down and rolling until he hit the bottom of the cliff. _

_ “Oh no!” The dragon let the knight down and rushed over to the edge, peering down to try to find the red one between the leaves blocking the view. _

_ “Are you okay?!” Remus shouted. All was quiet when there was no response. _

_ He turned to the knight and the dragon, “We’ve gotta help him!” _

_ “How?” The knight asked, dropping his sword, “There’s no way to get down!” _

_ “I’ll slide down there myself and help him!” _

_ “No!” _

_ “He’s my brother, I can’t let him be hurt all by himself!” _

_ Remus sat down on the edge, and prepared to push himself off. _

_ “Remus-” _

_ “I’ll be okay!” _

_ A scaly hand tried to grab the back of his shirt, but he’d already pushed off, and was now sliding with no control. _

_ “Remus!” _

_ He cast a glance up to see tearful brown and yellow eyes staring down at him. Screaming for him. Then he hit the bottom and understood why his brother gave no response. _

_ The last thing he heard was his name being screamed again as he plunged into dark, cold water. _

_ “ _ **_REMUS_ ** _! PLEASE WAKE UP! I CAN’T LOSE YOU TOO!” _

Remus’ eyes shot open. He stared up at a ceiling that swirled like the night sky, little dots of light peeking through it. He turned his head and saw a chair with two figures curled up on it. His eyes adjusted enough to make out the scaly face of Deceit, and the round glasses of Logan. So he was in Logan’s room. It was all he could guess, anyways, since Deceit’s room didn’t have any stars in it. The nerd did seem the type to want to fall asleep staring at the night sky, so he guessed it made sense.

He slowly sat up and then felt the dull ache in his arms. Oh, right. He should be dead. He held up an arm to see it carefully bandaged, probably done by Logan. He could imagine Deceit being too shaky to try and do anything medical at the time.

He rubbed his hands up and down his wrapped arms, before turning so his feet could touch the floor. He stood up and immediately faltered. Probably should’ve waited for the blood to all flow back to him. He steadied himself on the bed for a few moments, before quietly shuffling over to the door. He’d already been too much trouble, he should go back to his room or to the imagination and disappear for a few days or never ever come back or--

“Remus?”

Shit.

He looked over to see Deceit groggily rubbing his eyes, before looking up at him.

Logan stirred as well, he always had been a light sleeper. He pushed his glasses up further onto his nose and turned his gaze over to Remus, “You’re awake.”

“So are you, what do I win the award of waking up first for once?” Remus’ dry joke did nothing to cut the tension building in the room.

“Oh, Remus…” Remus hated that tone. The one that was sad and soft and guilty and disappointed all at the same time. Deceit always used it when talking about Virgil, when bandaging up any cuts Remus had, whenever something bad happened. 

Deceit shakily stood and walked over to Remus, staring at him for a few moments before opening his arms up invitingly. Remus looked away, grip on his own arms tightening. Deceit’s frown deepened, Remus hated it when it did that, and he dropped one of his arms. He brought the other one up to Remus’ cheek, caressing it gently before turning Remus’ head to face him again.

“I told you to come talk to me when it got too much.”

“I thought you were lying when you said that.” Remus hated the guilt that filled Deceit’s eyes at that. He’d meant his offer sincerely, and Remus really knew he had, and Remus hated being part of the reason Deceit never felt like he was trusted, but fuck, if he hated anything more than everything he’d just said he hated, he fucking  **hated** serious talk. He hated burdening his friends with his horrible thoughts. He knew if he told Deceit too much Deceit would get freaked out, or sick of him, and run away too and leave him all by himself. It was better to push him away than to be pushed away, he decided.

Luckily, before Deceit could say another word, Logan approached, “How are your arms? Do they hurt?”

Remus opened his mouth to answer, but found himself without words for a few long seconds, then he shook his head, “No, they don’t hurt.”

Deceit made a face as he sensed a lie, but Remus’ own expression countered it enough to force the other into more silence.

“That’s good, at least.” Logan reached a hand out, “May I…?”

Remus hesitated before uncrossing his arms, holding one out for Logan to gently hold.

Logan unwrapped the bandages enough to get a look at the cuts, one more prominent than the rest with its stitches, “They should heal fairly quickly, you being a side and all, but I want you to come back in a couple days so I can further monitor your health.”

Remus nodded. He definitely was not going to come back.

“Can I go back to my room?”

“No.” Deceit answered as Logan rewrapped Remus’ arm, “I’m not leaving you by yourself right now. You could have  _ died _ , Remus.”

Remus scoffed, “Sides can’t die.”

“Actually-” Logan began to interject, but Remus shot him down with a harsh look.

“ _ Sides  _ **_can’t_ ** _ die. _ ” Remus turned and left the room.

Deceit gave Logan a sad look and thanked him before rushing off after Remus.

He was going to get Remus to talk to him about how he was truly feeling, somehow.


End file.
